Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have post one night stand depression
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