Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
