my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
