the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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