I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
