If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
