drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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