Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
