I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
