He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
