PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
