we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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