SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
