So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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