dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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