I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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