Got a toothbrush?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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