It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
