she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
