can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
