If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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