Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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