I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
