found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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