i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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