would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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