hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
