i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
