I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
