Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
