He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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