During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
