Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
