just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't put those talents on a resume
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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