i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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