Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
