my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
