I want to walk on stilts...naked
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
