I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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