ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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