i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Terrible idea I love it
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
