I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I need to calm my uterus...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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