just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize