Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
