We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
