Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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