My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
