6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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