The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize