she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
