why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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