She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
