I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
