i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize