Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
