You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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