i love accidental penises.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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