My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
