ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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