By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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