Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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