My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it's like iHOP with fire
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
