Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
