You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I touched a dick in church today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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