guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
