I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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