Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
