Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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