K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
