She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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