Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize