Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize