8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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