I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
