You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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