shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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