you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
