I wish I could teleport
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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