Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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