we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
