What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The adults are the big ones right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
