direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
