We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
