Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i've created a new STD.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
