i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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