ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
