where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
