I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
