1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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