I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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