At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
