I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
