The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
