Small penises have feelings too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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