He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
