So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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