Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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