Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
