in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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