Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
